Not just crap. It's Craptastic!

Just came from watching Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer, which is anything but fantastic. Two cents from a comic book fan coming up next.

[Here be spoilers]

For non-comic afficionados, Galactus was one of the more interesting characters in the entire Marvel Universe. He was introduced to the comic world not unlike in the movie, through his herald, the Silver Surfer. It was a bit goofy at first (in the 60s, when the first comics about Galactus were published). In fact, Galactus was this giant humanoid with a helmet with antlers, who wore shorts and a short-sleeved shirt. Anyway, he's eternally hungry and needs to eat planets to survive. Then the writers and eggheads figured out that he can be more interesting than just a planet-destroyer. So they kept bringing him back, giving him backstories and involving him in the great Marvel crossovers. What is intriguing about him is that despite being a demigod with no apparent care for lower life forms, there's something really human about him. Quite possibly, he is the focal point of the entire universe.

On to the movie. A complete travesty, with storm cloud Galactus (or Gah Lak Tus, whatever) and Silver Oblation, with an ending that just doesn't make sense. It's a movie satisfied by its star power and shallow jokes, plus wooden acting.

Ioan Gruffudd as Mr. Fantastic - is OK but still doesn't quite capture the dignified genius of the character in the comics.

Chris Evans as the Human Torch - might as well be Luke from The O.C. The resident hunk.

Michael Chiklis as The Thing - who is known to be a great actor, is forced to suffer bad jokes and easy laughs.

Jessica Alba as The Invisible Woman - the consensus hottest chick in the planet (in the movie and in real life). Couldn't act to save her life, which is a pity because it's probably something you can improve on without cosmetic surgery. Even with over-tanned skin, over-bleached hair, you can't stop being hot, Jessica.

The Silver Surfer, voiced by Laurence Fishburne - which does NOT work. Laurence Fishburne equals Morpheus!

Dr. Doom, hot army chick, Alicia Masters, etc, etc...

I actually had hopes for this movie. But it all went up in smoke -- hey, just like movie-Galactus!

One more thing. The subtitle, Rise of the Silver Surfer, absolutely does not make sense. Unless of course he's an anatomically correct Silver Surfer.

Everybody who reads comic books knows that the Kirby Silver Surfer is the only true Silver Surfer. Now am I right or wrong?

Guess where that last line came from? Google it up.

[END SPOILERS]